5 Secrets to a Happy Marriage


This post is inspired by one of our commenters MacKenzie on my post last week about the perfect recipe for a happy marriage. First of all, thanks MacKenzie for sharing this great link to Lydia Netzer’s blog post on 15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years. She makes awesome points, some I’m already implementing (yay!) and some I still need to learn and adapt to my marriage. After 4 years of marriage, I have some of my own pointers to add that maybe you gals can adapt into your own new marriage as well. (Disclaimer: I don’t claim to be an expert at relationship nor do I claim to have a perfect marriage, but this is just from personal experience and what’s working in our relationship.)

1. Own That Kitchen

If you’re like me, I was raised in a home where my mom is the best cook ever and I would never stand a chance cooking in that same kitchen while I was living there. So when I entered my marriage, I knew only the basics of cooking by theory (from my mom talking about it and from watching my mom cook). But as you all know, you can’t really know how to do things until you start doing it. Now, I was lucky enough to marry a husband who cooks (in fact he’s used to cooking for hundreds of people in the homeless shelter where we met!), so technically I could survive not knowing how to cook. But that doesn’t mean I should let him do all the cooking all the time. As a wife, I think it’s important to own that kitchen. Starting this year, I made a commitment to actively learn and practice and explore cooking and baking in my kitchen. So that I can finally own up to saying that I do cook and bake for my husband and family. And there’s something about a woman wearing an apron holding a plate of hot-out-of-the-oven cookies that turns a man on. There’s not a time when I have my apron on that I don’t get my ass spanked. Lol! Which brings me to the next point.

2. Sex is Sweet!

I truly believe sex solves all problems (unless sex is the issue, which I won’t be qualified to get into). When things start getting tense and you feel like things that your spouse does annoys you or gets you upset, most likely it’s because you and your partner haven’t done it for a while. So make time! Get creative! I know it’s easier to do this before you have kids, but hey, I’ve got 2 young kids and we still make time. Sure, some days you just don’t have the energy for it, but when you do, go for it! And don’t think they have to be asleep to do this (this is a recent discovery for me). There are surely ways around it *wink wink* (email me if you’re interested in how). I noticed that usually after sex, you tend to be more relaxed, become better listener, more ready to share and open up, and so on and so forth, which prepares you for the next point.

3. Shower & Share

Usually, after sex, you need to take a shower. Instead of taking turns, why don’t you jump in together? This is the perfect set up for sharing time and doing your communicating bit, like “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me today at work!” or “Did you see that funny Youtube video with the talking animals?”, etc. You’ll find that you’re more open and less defensive when you’re butt naked with your partner (especially right after sex).

4. Say I Love You Often

There’s no question that you love your spouse. I always end our calls with “Love You.” Even when you’re in the midst of being mad or upset at your spouse and you don’t feel it at that heated moment, it’s important to say it. When you hear it, and he hears it, it reminds the two of you why you’re in this together.

5. Pray & Listen.

Even if it’s just a short prayer before a meal, always make a point to pray together, hold hands, all that good stuff. Sometimes only in prayer that you truly hear what your spouse is thinking about, is concerned about, or is happy about. I cherish this time a lot. If you can do this before bedtime, that’s golden.

So there you have it, my 5 secrets to a happy marriage, and I’m sure I’ll be developing more as I go through the years. Hope you enjoyed these tips!

xoxo, Henny V.